


Maybe

by FantasticalMusical



Category: Chasing Amy
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-25 13:24:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2623295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FantasticalMusical/pseuds/FantasticalMusical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SLASH. Takes place after Alyssa leaves and Banky goes into his room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After Another Ending I just got on a roll. I love this couple and wish there was more of them out there! I hope you enjoy this :)

Music is blaring in the crowded club, forcing Hooper and Holden to yell very loudly. Banky just slowly glances around, drinks his beer, and takes in his surroundings.

"You two still here?"

"Yeah, we didn't know if there was more to the "show" or not." Holden says.

"Hey bitch, I performed the hell out of that!"

"It was lip syncing!"

"Oh, honey. You haven't been to too many gay clubs have you?"

Holden just gives him a look before saying, "So now what?"

Some guy wraps his arm around Hooper and whispers something in his ear, making Hooper smile.

"Now, I'm gonna go get some. It's almost midnight, so I strongly suggest you two make like Cinderella."

"Why?"

"You two are too pretty to be alone here at midnight on New Year's Eve. If you're not kissing someone, someone will kiss you. You dig?"

"WHAT?!" Both Holden and Banky yell simultaneously.

"Bye bitches."

Hooper dances away with the mystery man, leaving Holden and Banky staring awkwardly at each other.

Finally, Banky yells over the music to Holden, "How the fuck do we get out of here?"

With only 10 minutes until midnight, Holden looks down from the second floor balcony for the nearest exit.

As he scans the place, he thinks back to the last, and only, time he and Banky kissed. That awful horrible night that changed everything.


	2. Chapter 2

Holden lays down on the couch, drained of any energy to drag himself to his room. He just lays there alone with his thoughts.

'How could things have gotten so fucked up? Alyssa's gone. She's not coming back. It's over. The best relationship in my life and I fucked it up. She's gone.'

After a few minutes, or a few hours, Holden was too far gone to know, Banky comes out of his room. He marches up to the couch and stands there. He's obviously pissed off and glares down at Holden.

"I realize, compared to her, I'm shit, but Jesus, Holden! Does this friendship mean anything to you? Do you fucking care about me at all?!"

Shocked, Holden sits up, dries his tears, and thinks to himself, 'How can he ask me that?'

Then flashes of public passive aggressive insults, ditching him at the train station, and going days without even talking to him, pop into his mind. Holden's thoughts then turn to, 'I've already lost one amazing person today, I'll be damned if I'm going to lose another one.'

"Banky, I'm sorry I made it so you have to ask that. Of course I care about you. You're my best friend."

Banky's glad to hear this, but still refuses to let go of his anger. He has some pride after all.

"You shouldn't have been so eager to use me. Fuck you, Holden! I never would've used you! Never!"

Standing now, Holden decides to stop moping about Alyssa, and fix the damage he's caused with Banky. Somehow in the past few weeks he managed to make his best friend feel worthless. Looking back now, it's obvious what a jerk he's been, but at the time he just didn't realize.

"I didn't think of it like that. But, I'm still sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Banky." Holden steps towards him, but Banky just makes a bee line to his room again. Holden watches him go, never before feeling so defeated.

When Banky reaches the door he stops. He keeps his back to Holden, and asks, "Can we just pretend that this night never happened?"

Holden still wants to discuss things. Banky never really denied being in love with him. He agreed to the threesome. And, while Banky has reasons to be upset, this whole situation feels more like a fight with a boyfriend, instead of with a best friend. And the mere idea of losing Banky hurts just as much, if not more, than definitely losing Alyssa. He wants to explore this, but Holden wound up losing Alyssa due to his selfishness. He won't let it happen again. If this is what Banky wants, then he'll give it to him.

"If that's what you want."

"It is."

"Okay. It didn't happen. None of it."

"Okay." Banky still stands at his door for a beat, then says, "Goodnight Holden." He then goes into his room, quietly closing the door behind him.

Holden retreats to his own room and soon passes out from being so emotionally drained. The last thought before he slips into unconsciousness is, 'How the hell are we going to act the same, when everything is now so different?'

Meanwhile, Banky's thoughts keep him up all night.

'FUCK! FUCKING FUCK!'

Banky knows he cares for Holden a lot. He's always put up with his shit more than he should. Banky hates people and Holden always wants to be so Goddamn social. Dragging his ass to parties and bars, when he'd much rather the two just stay home and play Sega.

He remembers a long time ago Holden asking him how he planned on getting a girlfriend if he never leaves home. Banky thought to himself, why would I want a girlfriend? They're nothing but drama and annoying as fuck. He knows where to go to get laid if the mood suits him, and he has stacks of magazines which are more convenient anyway. He doesn't feel like he's missing anything, because any potential girlfriend socializing is already fulfilled by Holden.

Holden's funny, smart, and talented, shares his interests, and just gets him. Holden has always got him in a way no one else ever did. That is until recently, when that dyke bitch showed up. Before her, things were great. Yeah, Holden was all he ever wanted or needed, but the dyke bitch's presence made it known to all that Holden didn't feel the same way.

And it hurt. God it hurt so much. To be pushed to second best. It hurt like hell knowing he was no longer a priority to Holden, but instead just an option. It hurt knowing that his love for Holden would never be returned.

Yeah, he loved him. He's his best friend of decades who he works and shares a home with. Of course he loves him. But, being in love? He wasn't in love with Holden. He wasn't. Was he?

Banky just now realizes that he didn't wipe his mouth. After Holden kissed him, he didn't wipe it away. It didn't gross him out. It surprised him, to say the least, but…he didn't mind it. And then he said 'Sure'. Why did he say that?! WHY?! Because he wanted to make Holden happy? Because he wanted to keep Holden in his life? Because, maybe a small part of him wanted it? When she said no he truly was relieved, but it was relief that he wouldn't have to touch the dyke bitch after all. He should've been relieved that he didn't have to touch Holden! FUCK!

Banky then can't keep the following words out of his head, 'Just as, in a way, I'm attracted to you.' They repeat on a loop over and over in his mind,

'attracted to you, attracted to you, attracted to you'. For some reason, that Banky just isn't ready to deal with yet, the words make him smile.


	3. Chapter 3

Come morning, neither man wants to leave their room in fear of seeing the other. Banky, finally decides, 'Fuck it!' and ventures out of his room first.

He gets himself together, stuffs a pop tart in his face, and then sits at the drawing table. His first instinct is to get in his car and run away, but he chooses to have faith in Holden. He promised Banky they could ignore last night and just move on. He will give Holden the chance to fulfill his promise. Eventually, Holden slowly walks into the room and Banky takes note of how disheveled and cute he looks.

'NO! Not cute! Damnit Banky, fucking stop it!'

"Hey."

"Hey."

Yeah, this is gonna be easier said than done. Banky then has an epiphany. He'll just keep it to business, besides they do have a lot to discuss.

"Holden, the network people left a message. Again. Do you want to do the cartoon or not? It's fine if you don't. Really. I don't even care anymore, but we should tell them some-"

"Let's do it."

Banky was taken aback by this.

"Really?"

"Yeah, it'll be…interesting. We've gotta cut Jay & Bob in of course."

"Yeah, ok. Ummm. I'll just call them back then."

While Banky's on the phone, Holden takes a moment to just look at him. He thought Banky would be more excited, and is kind of disappointed he isn't. Regardless, he's just glad Banky still wants to do the show, because it means he still wants to be with him. Even if it's just a working relationship, it's a start to getting back to the way things were. But, did Holden really want that?

Just last night, Holden was so ready for more, to move their friendship forward. He truly saw it as a way of being closer with Banky, not using him. He wanted the two to share a moment. But, just a moment. After all, Holden was already in a relationship. Plus, he figured it would take Banky forever anyway to accept the same-sex attraction he was feeling. But now things were different. Alyssa is gone for good and if Banky could deal with it…then maybe? Or maybe Holden just imagined it all. Maybe, he took Hooper's words too seriously, when they should've just been silly comments.

It doesn't even matter. He promised Banky to just ignore it all, and he's going to keep his promise. If Banky wants to talk about it, he will. In the meantime, Holden will try to forget about how good it felt to have his mouth on Banky's and instead just keep it shut.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be a good time to remind you that this takes place in the 90s :)

So months passed. More issues were made, the cartoon got a premiere date, and Holden and Banky continued to live in denial. The awkwardness faded away, bit by bit, and their old familiar banter became easier with each passing day. Christmas Eve came and the two decided to stay home and play drinking games to It's a Wonderful Life. The two were sitting on the floor, pleasantly drunk, when Holden gets a genius idea.

"I should give you your present now, because I'll be too hung over in the morning."

"Yeah! Bring on the free shit!" Banky says a bit too loud with a smile on his face.

"Ok, hold on." Holden said smiling too.

While Holden's in his room, Banky grabs his gift for Holden from the bookshelf.

They both plop back down on the floor and exchange packages. Holden, however, just sits there so he can watch Banky open his present. Banky tears into it like he was 5 years old again.

"Fuck me! Oh my God! Holden, how did you get this?!" It was a bootleg copy of the infamous The Star Wars Holiday Special. Banky can't tear his eyes away from it and is so happy he could cry.

"I have my ways." Holden's beyond happy to see Banky enjoy the gift.

Banky finally tears his eyes away to look at Holden and neither of them can keep the smiles off their faces.

"God, mine already was lame, and now compared to this, it just sucks ass."

"I'm sure it's fine Banky." Holden then breaks eye contact to unwrap his present. It's a framed page of a comic, titled Bank Hold-Up. At closer inspection he sees that each panel is a stage in their lives. First it's them as kids meeting on the playground, the next is them as teenagers sharing a cigarette, then they're sitting outside on their stoop, and the last picture is them behind a booth at a comic-con. Holden is speechless.

Banky, thinking Holden doesn't like it, says, "It sucks, I know. You know I hate shopping, so this was just easier. Sorry." It was half true.

Holden quietly responds with, "Don't be sorry. Banky, I love it."

Maybe it was the booze. Maybe it was the memories this gift triggered. For whatever the reason, Holden is literally moved to tears.

Banky notices something is off and through his drunken haze he could swear that Holden was crying.

"Holden?"

Holden looks up from his, as of now, most prized possession and immediately places it on the couch to pull Banky into a hug. Banky doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything. He just closes his eyes and enjoys being in Holden's arms.

Holden tucks his face into Banky's shoulder for a minute to get control of himself, then whispers by Banky's ear, "I love it. I…love… it."

Holden begins to slowly release his arms from around Banky, but keeps his face close to his. As Holden hesitantly pulls away, he winds up moving his forehead to Banky's. He then cups Banky's face with his hand saying, "Banky…I…love…yo-"

Banky quickly pushes Holden away and stands up saying, "You're drunk." He then starts to pick up the scattered beer bottles and shot glasses, the entire time facing away from Holden. However, this doesn't stop Holden from keeping his eyes glued to Banky's movements around the room. Eventually, the silence becomes too loud for Holden so he says, "I'm not that drunk."

Banky sees there isn't anything left to clean up, so he grabs his movie. "Well, I am. So, I'm gonna go pass out. We'll watch this tomorrow, ok?" Banky then forces himself to look down at Holden.

Still sitting on the floor, he just nods to Banky.

"Ok then. Night!" Banky heads to his room, closes the door behind him, and immediately starts to hyperventilate. He throws himself on his bed and covers his face with a pillow during his mini freak out. Trying, without success, to calm the thoughts running through his head.

'He's drunk, he didn't mean it! He didn't mean it! He didn't mean it! But, what if he did? It doesn't matter, because he didn't. But, if he did. If we…our friendship as we know it would be over. And then, if we didn't work out…No. Some doors just shouldn't be opened. Besides, it doesn't matter, because he didn't mean it. He didn't mean it. He didn't.'

This train of thought continues until Banky finally does pass out, just like he said he would.

In the next room over, Holden hangs his most prized possession up on his bedroom wall, gets into bed, and then cries himself to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day they easily pretend nothing happened and The Star Wars Holiday Special is watched without incident. But as soon as he can, Holden makes up some excuse to get the hell out of there.

"I promised Hooper I'd see him before the year ends. Today's as good as any. Wanna come with?" Holden only asks this, because he knows Banky will say no. He hates going to the city, and probably also needs a break from…whatever this is.

"No, I'm good. Pick up some egg nog on your way back though, ok?"

"Will do."

He practically runs out of there.

Consumed with his over analytical thoughts, Holden never even feels the time go by. Before he knows it he's knocking non-stop on Hooper's door. By the time he answers, he seems less than pleased.

"What! Holden?"

"Would you say Alyssa's gay or bi? Or just experimental? Do you think everyone's like her, but just too scared to act on it? Or is she just a freak of nature, fucking anything that moves? I mean, she turned straight for me rather easily. It can't be that easy to turn gay. Can it? And why exactly, in God's name, are you so sure that Banky's fostering feelings for me?"

Hooper just stares at Holden before replying with, "Merry Christmas to you too Holden. Won't you come in?"

"Thanks."

They make their way to Hooper's living room and sit down.

"You know I had plans today. I had special plans of doing exactly nothing, and here you are ruining everything. Making me get up! Bitch, you owe me."

"Fine, whatever. So, what's the answer?"

"Honey, you asked so much! Where do I begin?"

"Why do you think Banky's in love with me? Because, I'm pretty sure his feelings are purely platonic."

"Does that disappoint you?"

"Don't fucking answer a question with a question. Why do you think that?!"

"Okay! Geesh! First off honey, we can smell our own. Second, anyone can see he's over the moon for you! There's missing your bro when he gets a girl, and then there's wishing you were that girl. Banky obviously fell into the latter. Does it upset you?"

"No. I'm not upset. I'm…confused. I'm so fucking confused."

"Well, Banky probably is too. I doubt he ever let his mind truly go there. He's probably convinced himself he just loves you as a friend. But, someday he'll be forced to face it all, and then…well, I don't know what then!"

"Damnit. You were supposed to be my Yoda. You're supposed to make sense of all this for me."

"Well, here's a precious piece of advice, instead of talking to me talk to him!"

"I've tried! Kinda. Fuck! It'll just piss him off and if I push the issue, he'll bail on me. I can't have that happen. I can't lose him, Hooper." Holden then takes a deep breath and continues. "Besides, I seriously doubt there's actually anything to talk about. I'm thinking your gaydar may need some recalibrating."

Hooper takes a moment to really observe Holden.

"No honey, I'm pretty sure it's working just fine."

"I think I need to just forget all of this. I need to just focus on the comic and the show. Eventually, everything else will just go away."

"Yeah, you do that. That'll work." Realizing Holden didn't catch his sarcasm, Hooper thinks to himself, 'Forget it. This is their drama to handle.' He's happy to listen, but nothing he says will really matter. So on to other things then.

"You forget all about this gay bullshit. But before you do, you should totally see my show on New Year's Eve!"

"Show?"

"Yes! I will be putting on quite the show at this new club! You should bear witness to my awesomeness and then you can leave. Remember honey, you owe me."

Holden smiles before agreeing. "Fine, I'll be there."

Hooper throws his arms up in the air in celebration yelling, "Yay!" All Holden can do is laugh.

Of course Banky doesn't want to go. It's a gay bar, in the city, on New Year's Eve. Banky has zero interest in this. He wants to get away from all things gay, why on Earth would he go to this?

"Please?"

"Alright."

Because, Holden, that's why. He'd do anything for Holden.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So now the boys are racing against the clock, hoping to get out of the club before they're molested by a bunch of strange men. Ok, that's an extreme exaggeration. They both know it, but at the same time after everything, they just want to run away.

"How about those stairs over there?"

"Fine! Let's just get the fuck out of here!"

Holden wants to leave just as badly, but does Banky have to be so fucking pissed off?

As they leave they notice TVs being turned on all around them, showing the ball about to drop. Holden looks back at Banky only to receive an angry glare.

They wind up making it outside to an alley, with just a couple of minutes before the new year.

"Thank Christ! God, why the fuck do I let you talk me into these things! I didn't even want to be here!"

"OK, Banky! OK! I get it! Kissing a guy is just about the worst thing that could ever happen to you! I'm sorry I scarred you for life, alright! You're a hundred percent hetero! And just the thought of anything otherwise puts you in a disgusted rage! I GET IT! SO PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT!"

For Banky, Holden's little speech seems to have come out of nowhere. For Holden, he's surprised he hasn't said these words, and more, sooner. He and Banky just stand there staring at each other. Not able to keep it together any longer, Holden averts his gaze down to his feet and furiously wipes at his eyes in an effort to get the tears to stop. Scared, embarrassed, and just so fucking tired of it all, he turns the other way and puts some distance between him and Banky.

It's very obvious that Holden's upset. Hurt and upset and it's breaking Banky's heart to see it. Just like Holden never meant to hurt him all those months ago, he never meant to hurt Holden now. He was just trying to protect the friendship. Everything he did was an act to keep the friendship alive, but now he realizes how impossible that is.

Things are different now, whether they deal with it or not. But, can Banky really deal with this? Deal with Holden feeling….something…after all?

'Do I feel...something...for him?' As soon as he asks himself this, he realizes it's an asinine question. Of course he does. He loves...No. He's in love with Holden.

'I'm in love with Holden!'

Banky had always thought that admitting this would surely be the end of Holden and him, the end of the world, the end of everything! Yet, the universe still exists, the Earth is still turning, and Banky and Holden are still standing in this alleyway. 

Banky starts to realize that accepting this truth doesn't have to be an ending, but instead can be a beginning to something good. It could be something really amazing. Thinking this puts a ghost of a smile on Banky's face. The smile is short lived though as he realizes that it's not going to be the start of anything unless he actually does something. However, a lifetime of denial is difficult to overcome, so Banky begins to talk himself into action.

'Do something Banky! Holden's walking away from you and possibly walking out of your life...so fucking do something already! Stop being a fucking coward and do something!

The panic is starting to build inside of Banky and he's still unable to move as he watches Holden get further and further away. 

'Banky Edwards do something!!! Do something!!! DO SOMETHING!!! **FUCKING** **DO SOMETHING!!!!!** '

"You didn't…scar me."

This makes Holden stop and slowly turn around.

"Banky?"

All around them is the sound of the city counting down the seconds until the New Year. For Holden, it was the countdown to the most important moment of his life. Will Banky admit there's something between them? Or will this just be the mother of all let downs?

The hopeful look on Holden's tear stained face is enough to finally spring Banky into action. He marches towards Holden, takes one last swig of his beer, and lets the bottle drop to the ground. The city screams "TWO! ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Banky pulls Holden's face to his and, at last, the two kiss.

A real kiss with lips opening for more, bodies pressed together, hands grasping for dear life, and the need for each other stronger than the need for air.

* * *

The next morning Banky is lying naked in bed, with an equally naked Holden next to him fast asleep. Banky reaches over to run his fingers through Holden's hair, smiles to himself, and wonders, 'Why the fuck didn't we do this sooner?!'

           THE END

 


End file.
